hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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