I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He had one of those small greek statue penises
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
