I'm jealous of your bromance
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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