Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
