Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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