are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
