like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
