And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
