theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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