Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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