My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
