he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
