I'm so fucking centered right now
oh god the rape fog is back!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
