My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
