You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
