I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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