Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
