I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
