Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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