i don't like sucking hair
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
