They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
