you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
