if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
