yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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