the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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