someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
