Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
