May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
