I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
