I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
