You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize