I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
