did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
