I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
