did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
