And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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