I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
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