my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
