I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
