he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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