The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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