I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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