I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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