i need an iv and a liver transplant
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
