all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
