Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize