I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
