You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize