i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
