Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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