hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
