ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
