You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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