And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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