Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
