Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
its not stalking. its research.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Randomize
