White coat. Heels.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize