I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
