why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
