I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
