We won't sleep together?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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