All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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