the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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