he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
