so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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