Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
