do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
