i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
high people should be assigned attendants
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
