atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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