Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
